Here's to Good Friends

The older I get, the more I realize how important my female friendships are. There is nothing that compares to being with friends who know you and love you anyway. Two of these photos were taken last summer on a "girls only" weekend to Napa (missed you Julie F.!). We were there to celebrate a birthday, but more importantly to celebrate being women together. After a hot, smoke filled drive (that was the summer most of California was on fire) we ended up in Calistoga. After mud baths, massages, and two bottles of wine we stumbled our way into town for dinner and margaritas (I think we had dinner....).


With or without the alcohol, with these women I laugh and become the self I wish I was everyday.


When we all lived on the same street we would often have what, affectionately, used to be known as "White Trash Friday's". It's hot here in the summer, 105 is normal, and we all become housebound during the hottest part of the day. But as the sun would go down on Friday the lawn chairs, with the requiste price tag still attached, would be drug out to someones driveway where we would eat whatever food happened to come out and drink whatever happened to be handy. I loved those hot summer nights, sitting with friends, laughing and telling stories while the "street kids" made their way outside to shoot hoop or ride bikes by the light of the street lamps. Good Times.


One of these dear women lives in Washington now and we are limited to visits a couple of times a year. The other moved one town over but with work and kids and life, getting together isn't something that just happens like it used to when we were altogether here on The Rock; it requires planning now. I loved having these two women in my life every day.

We're planning a trip up to Washington in March when our other compadre will be able to join us and we will once again be a "party of 4".





Because, really, without our friends, who are we?

Can we say "Oh Gross"?

This past weekend, The Husband took both sons and a friend up to Truckee for the weekend. As always they were missed, but there is something just wonderful about having the king size bed all to oneself. Ok, I did have to share it with one cat and a dog who insisted on sleeping with his head on "Daddy's" pillow. Just stay to your own side, buster....With the rain over the weekend the creeks that run through our development were, well, running. The temptation proved simply too great for Mulligan Stew and instead of walking home with my clean, just bathed last week dog I, instead, walked home with the Swamp Monster. I had not realized that when he went in he would sink 2 feet down into the swamp muck. Only one of us was truly unhappy about this. The smell was atrocious and the dog was beyond ecstatic. If only life were this simple for everyone.



I am, once again, reminded that we each find happiness in our own way.

Intentions of the New Year

I dislike resolutions. Let's face it, am I really going to commit to exercising 5 times a week just because it's January 1? Whatever happened to "Today is the First Day of the Rest of Your Life?"; I can resolve to do anything on any day of the year. That being said, I have, over the past few weeks, been exploring my Intentions To Do Better in the coming year. I like the sound of that better than "resolution". So in an attempt to hold myself publicly accountable, below is a list of some things I plan to do in the coming year:

1). I will learn something new. This one may be easy. The Husband and I are taking a cruise (yippee! no kids!) this summer with Grand Cayman being one of the stops. I am looking into scuba lessons in my area so that I can be certified prior to departure. I'd also like to take a few days to actually read the manual that came with my camera. That, or just take a class through Parks & Rec. Whatever. But trying to dredge up Photography 101 principles from high school just isn't cutting it any longer.

2). I will pick three, and only three, charities to donate money to this year. I'm certain that I'm not the only one who is solicited by: The World Wildlife Fund, The Ocean Conservancy, The Marine Mammal Society, Feed The Children, Oxfam, Care, Doctors Without Borders, National Resource Defense Council, The Sierra Club, Samaritan's Purse, and The Arbor Day Foundation, just to name a few. They send their note pads and address labels in the hopes of guilting you into sending them a few dollars ("a contribution of this amount will really help"). And so, each month I send a check in for $10 here, $25 there. (Love it when they send back those canvas grocery bags!) And yet, I have to ask myself, how much good am I really doing sending in $10? I recently finished a book titled, "A Year of Living Biblically", in which the author, A.J. Jacobs, attempts to live his life for one year according to the rules and guidelines of both the Old and New Testaments. In the book, Mr. Jacobs addresses charitable donations, as this is a biblical requirement whether you're Jewish or Christian. He, like myself, was in a quandary: How do you do it so that it is effective? He determined that rather than making a multitude of small donations, he would pick three, and only three, for the year and donate consistently to them. Address labels be damned! I already donate to America's Second Harvest Food Bank through a monthly credit card deduction and have determined that for the rest of the year I will donate monthly to the Nature Conservancy and the World Wildlife Fund. Of course this doesn't prevent me from sending a check to the Salvation Army so a few inner city kids can go to camp this summer. But I hope that by doing this, I'll feel more connected to the charities I support.

3). I will learn to Let Go. Sounds easy enough. HA! I am a collector: of people, of things, of stuff. I understand why I collect stuff. We didn't have much in the way of material goods growing up and having Stuff around makes me feel content, safe. Unfortunately, having "stuff" doesn't always equate to having stuff put away and in its place. I've been mentally preparing for weeks now Clean Out Day. On this day, ok, really it will take me about a month, I will go through my closet (Oprah says if you haven't worn it in 6 months you're not going to. Six Months? Are you kidding me? I have things in my closet I haven't worn in 6 years.....) and remove the items that should have gone to Goodwill years ago. I will go through the attic and clean out the boxes of junk and toys that I have allowed my kids to keep. Everything from my sister's and my childhood is gone: Barbie's, doll houses, books, stuffed animals. I hate that I have nothing and have, instead, allowed my boys to keep everything. But, I ask myself, how attached are they to that McDonalds Happy Meal toy floating around broken in the bottom of the box? Probably not so much...I will triumph, once again, over the Harry Potter Cupboard Under the Stairs and make it safe to enter without tripping over the boxes and blankets and other assorted items that get haphazardly tossed in without concern. I wanted to make this space my own "hidden room", a place I could put a bean bag and a light and go curl up with a book. Instead it's getting cleaned out for easier access to the vacuum cleaner....Such is life.

As the saying goes, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions". I know this to be true as I've driven to hell on my own good intentions on more than one occasion. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Books I've Loved This Year

Is there anything better than a good book? I really don't think so. My husband's ex-wife and I used to swap book recommendations but since the latest falling out last spring I've been reduced to being a voyeur on her blog to see what she's been reading and recommending. Probably something I shouldn't be sharing out in public like this, but there you go.....It would be dishonest to say I like one particular genre of books. So much of my reading depends entirely on the mood at the time. I've never been one for a Harlequin Romance, but let's face it, The Time Traveler's Wife was an incredible story of love. So, in no particular order of any kind, here are my top books for 2008:

The Geography of Bliss; One Grump's Search for the Happiest Places on Earth. by Eric Weiner
Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen

Emergency Sex by Kenneth Cain, Heidi Postlewait & Andrew Thomson

Second Glance by Jodi Picoult

Plain Truth, also by Jodi Picoult

The 19th Wife by David Ebershoff

When You Are Engulfed in Flames by David Sedaris

The Good, Good Pig by Sy Montgomery (ok, I read this last year but it's so good, I promote it at every chance)

The Color of Water by James McBride

The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid by Bill Bryson

The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls

The Mascot by Mark Kurzem

People of the Book by Geraldine Brooks

Dewey, The Life of a Library Cat by Vicki Myron

Perhaps in another blog I'll do some write ups /reviews for these book. Each one holds a place in my heart whether it's because it took me away from the daily grind of my life or because it, by the very nature of the story, required me to step back from my own way of thinking and explore another. Since reading The Good Good Pig I have vacillated between going back to the "no mammal eating" days of my early 20's and staying with the joy of bacon. I saved When You Are Engulfed in Flames for our trip to Kauai this past summer. Sitting with David Sedaris for a few hours each day made that vacation tolerable. No offense to the island of Kauai, but get your sanitation in order. When Poi'pu beach is rated the second Most Polluted Beach In The World (as per the newspaper headlines the morning I was set to take our youngest out to snuba), there is just no way I'm sticking my face, or any other part of my body, in that water!

The Others in my household don't understand this love of books. Until my book cases were built and my book boxes unpacked, each book lovingly placed with others of its kind, I didn't really feel "moved-in" (which sucked seeing as it took 3 years to get the book cases designed & installed). But once my books came out, it was if I was reading a history of my own life. Here's The Hundredth Monkey, from my No Nukes stage (it went along well with the no eating mammals, thing....). And here's Wuthering Heights and Catcher in the Rye; stories read years ago by candlelight in front of a fire and the sound of the ocean as a backdrop. My books on Religion: When God Was a Woman, The Pagan Book of Living and Dying, Finding Your Religion, A Woman's Journey to God, Walking the Bible. How long have I struggled with my faith? From my books, it appears a very long time; they command an entire shelf and the only single topic to do so. And let us not forgot all those fabulous self-help books from the '80's: Co-Dependent No More, Women & Self-Esteem, What to Say When You Talk to Yourself. That's a shelf that really should be cleaned out....And here's the Clive Cussler books The Husband and I used to read together. Years ago, back when we couldn't afford for him to fly out to accounts, I would drive him. Some trips were 2 hours, others 15. To pass the time, we listened to books. But since this was before the advent of audio books, we had to do it the Old Fashioned Way: read out loud to one another. It was a wonderful way to pass the time and some of my best memories of he and I are from that time period. Good Times.

So, as I'm always on the hunt for a good book, please feel free to share any recommendations or comment on the ones I've listed here. Happy Reading!

Alone in the Night

Several nights ago, in between rain storms, I took Mulligan out for a walk. Interestingly enough, he doesn't find enough stimulation in watching me fold laundry while watching "Charmed" re-runs and actually wants to get out and move. Go figure. We live in a very safe neighborhood and I've never given it a second thought to go out walking in the night. The one stead-fast rule, though, for kids and grown ups alike, is: do not go into the park after dark. It's more of a common sense rule, and one that I hope follows the boys into adulthood. You know, you're in the Big City and have a choice of taking the short cut down a dark alley back to your hotel or the long route where it's well lit. Somewhere in the back of their heads they'll hear me saying, "Don't go into the park after dark", and take the long route. The park is at the end of our street. At the center of the park are the soccer fields, which are bordered at the back by ungroomed fields ripe with gophers, voles, and other creatures that burrow (great place to dig if you're a dog). In the winter, a pond forms from the rain run off and Mulligan loves to "swim" there; nevermind that it's 40 degrees. At the front are the Sycamore trees, separating the park from the street. There are basketball courts, tennis courts, and the requiste play ground equipment for the younger kids. It's a great neighborhood park and one of the reasons we purchased the house we did 8 years ago. Nonetheless, we don't go there after dark.
But this night, I didn't feel like walking. I felt like staying home in front of the fire and reading a book. But, with leash in hand, I walked Mulligan down the street figuring he could just run around in the parking lot of the park. There was plenty of light, you're next to the street, no big deal. I wasn't really breaking the rule. The sky was dark, both from the night and the clouds of the storm that was coming in. No stars, no moon, just the energy of an approaching storm. Mulligan pretends to not know the rule about staying out of the park and ventures back and forth into the darkness. I realize then that I can't see him. At all. I don't worry about this, as I know all that I have to do is call him and he'll come right back. What I find intriguing, though, is that he is not barking, there is nothing to fear in the dark. And so I go.
In my life, I have not been a big "rule breaker". I'm a Virgo; we're big on our rules. Yet there was something about the night, the energy of the storm, the way the sky looked as the clouds broke and you could see the moonlight behind them. And so I ran. Into the darkness. And in those moments the darkness opened and swallowd me whole. Without thought, I ran. There was nothing behind me ,or in front of me, or beside me. Only the darkness and the sound of my own footfalls. I know I'm failing to convey the magic of the feeling that night. Of, quite literally, being swallowed by the night. To stand inside the emptiness of the dark, to feel safe in the knowledge that no one can see you, to be surrounded by the energy of the coming rainstorm. To simply have that moment of Being.

In The Dog House

A friend sent me this link and it's one that just must be shared:

http://www.break.com/usercontent/2008/11/Beware-of-the-Doghouse-Hilarious-610154.html

Enjoy!

Saving Grace

Every day in my cozy little world begins basically the same: coffee and the newspaper. At times there are variances to this routine but, for the most part, this simple "get my coffee, go out and get the paper/ pick up the cat who has to be carried into the laundry room to his food plate, and settle quietly on the end of the sofa with the hope no one sees me or tries to speak with me until 20 minutes after the last drip of coffee has been licked from the cup" works pretty darn well for me. I'm careful about what I read in the paper. The atrocities we as human beings inflict on one another wound my soul. What's worse, with the economic situation being what it is, an entire segment of society is being abused and neglected in record numbers: the animals (as if the wives, kids, and old people weren't enough). Talk with the real estate agents who are sent out by the banks to look at foreclosed homes and they'll tell you about the animals that have been left behind, slowly starving to death, because their people, their Families, were no longer able to care for them. As our frustrations rise, abuse of animals climbs in equal measure. It is a sad reality of our society that the most vulnerable are its first victims.

As a young girl, I fell in love with the guy on the other side of the fence. I was four or five, he was about the same. He was tall, blond and liked to eat carrots. In the afternoons, I would climb over the fence and sit in the Weeping Willow tree in his yard and watch him roll in the dirt. His name? His name was Star. It was 1972, fresh out of the '60's, and those hippie names hung around like white cat hair on your favorite black coat. This particular love child, though, happened to be a horse and they don't really care what you call them. Aside from the ponies at the County Fair, Star was the first horse I ever rode, and the first I ever fell off of. I and one of the other neighbor girls who was trying to vie for Star's affection, were given a ride (bareback, no less) around the pasture. She did a terrible job holding her front position and we wound up bouncing right off the back of my beloved. Ahh, it's true--you always remember your first. Star turned out to be one in a long line of equine love affairs. There was Sugarfoot, Jimbo, Sun, Bo, Dusty, Mr. Magoo, and many in between. A love of horses runs deeper and different then with any other animal. People are either horse people or they are not; the gray area that exists with cats and dogs does not apply here. It's the smell when you place your cheek on the neck of a horse. The feel of running full speed across a field; just you and the horse beneath you. The touch of a horse's mouth as s/he nibbles the treat you've offered. It touches your soul and connects you to God, or it doesn't.

As humans, we've taken these animals from the wild, domesticated them, made them our beasts of burden. In return, we have obligations to these animals. Pick up the paper, go on the Internet, you'll find people from all walks of life not living up to their obligations. They love their horses, but don't feed them or have the money for veterinary care. They're hoarders and horses, rather than cats or dogs, are their animal of choice. Horses, when locked in stalls or left for days and weeks at a time in their paddock without care, slowly and painfully starve to death. For those of us who see these animals as the noble creatures they are, this sadistic and inhumane treatment is beyond comprehension.

But wait, this isn't going to be a total downer post. It was just necessary to have some background before moving on to the real topic: The Grace Foundation. In short, the Grace Foundation is an equine rescue and rehabilitation facility here in northern California (El Dorado Hills outside of Sacramento). The Grace Foundation currently has over 125 horses in their care. These animals come to them starved, abused, neglected. The owners did not willingly, in most cases, give these animals up. Instead they were seized by the local humane society after legal action was taken against the owners for abuse and neglect. Some horses have come to the Grace Foundation in such bad shape that humane euthanizing was the only option. Fortunately, the numbers of animals that have been saved far outweigh those that have been lost. At the Grace Foundation, these horses are given a second chance at life. Horses are not put down because they are old or blind or no longer "serve a purpose". They are, instead, allowed to live out the rest of the days of their life in peace and cared for in a manner they should have known all along. The Grace Foundation also takes in, when necessary, other animals. At any given time, you can look up on the hills and see a flock of sheep grazing. Or go over to the cow pen to see Milkshake, the cow; or Gavin and Garrett, the two calves rescued this past summer. There are the requisite chickens and goats who wander the barnyard looking for grain dropped by the horses, and dogs & cats constantly underfoot.

Everywhere you look at Grace Foundation you are reminded of the atrocities that humans inflict on those they deem lesser than themselves. But as Peter Parker's uncle told him in Spiderman, "Remember Peter, with great power comes great responsibility". The Grace Foundation takes that responsibility seriously. Now the money plug. The Grace Foundation needs money for food, supplies, medication, everything. Hay prices are astronomical and with more and more horses needing care, resources are stretched thin. Please, visit the Grace Foundation. Read about who they are and what they do. Here's their web link:

http://www.thegracefoundationofnorcal.org/index.html

Please read their story, watch the video of how and why Beth DeCaprio started the Grace Foundation. If you can donate any monetary amount, go to the "donations" link on the site. PayPal makes it easy and all donations are 100% tax deductible. If horses just "aren't your bag" or want to make a difference a little closer to home, please remember the SPCA and other animal rescue organizations all need your help. Thanks!